I had my last appointment with my ObGyn yesterday! Each time I go in there, I'm treated with such kindness and sympathy that it actually borders on being uncomfortable. Even if I feel terrible like I did yesterday, I try to smile and joke, mostly because there's only so much complaining a person can do--they've heard it all, and that baby isn't going anywhere until Friday morning, no matter what I say.
Conversations always start like this:
Doctor: So how are you feeling now? Counting down the months/days/hours?
Me: I've been better, but I've been worse--but I will offer you a million dollars if you take this baby out of me right now, or maybe on your lunch break? We can do it in the parking lot. I don't even care!
But now I'm counting down the final hours! 48 give or take, but that's assuming my amnio results come back clear for full lung development.
The test is at seven tomorrow morning, and I should know if we're having a baby by noon. If that's the case, I'll get my stuff together, enjoy the rest of the day snuggling as much as I can with my son, and then I leave for the hospital Friday around 5:30 am.
I'm not going to lie. I'm scared of many things right now--
Understandable anxiety about how the amnio will go tomorrow--what if his lungs aren't ready? I've mentally prepared myself for this early delivery, because it's the only thing that's gotten me through this last extra rough month of pregnancy. The nerve pain is driving me nuts. I think the disappointment of having to wait longer will kill me!
What if something goes wrong during delivery?
What if I didn't take enough antibiotics during pregnancy and I have a Lyme baby?
What if I took too many drugs during pregnancy and I have a baby with problems?
What if, what if, what if. That is a horrible way to think, because a person creates unnecessary anxiety--nothing has actually gone wrong yet, and it most likely won't. And if it does, we'll deal with it as it comes. We're not given anything we can't handle or get through, right?
So, one thing at a time. I keep telling myself that, anyway. Amnio in the morning, followed by a nice breakfast at the diner (that's what we did last time, so now it will be a tradition.) I can handle that.
I am a mother and writer with Chronic Lyme, on the road to acceptance and recovery. I was bitten in 1996, diagnosed 2008. I am living proof that it is possible to live meaningfully and have happy, healthy children while battling this terrible disease.