D-Day Tomorrow?

As you know by now, my neuro symptoms have become a huge problem during these past few weeks. The electrical surges are quite painful, the twitching is embarrassing and restricting to say the least, and the lack of sleep it all causes is not helping. I am tired of being curled up and crying in pain. Physically and mentally, I can't take it much longer.

Surprisingly, I got the letter I needed from my LLMD stating that I would have an antibiotic change as soon as I deliver the baby. This means I can have induction approved.

It's been one week since my OBGYN decided it would be best for all parties to induce labor (at 36.5 weeks), and I went for a checkup yesterday so she could confirm that this was still the best approach to take.

It's amazing how slowly some things move in the medical field. Lyme treatment approval, for example. That crap can take months and doesn't come without a fight and filling out tons of paperwork. On the other hand, you want make a baby come out? They'll have your world turned upside down in a matter of hours. "OK, can you get to the hospital for your preliminary testing in an hour?"

Ummmm, no, I can't.

So here's the deal: tomorrow morning at 7:15 I arrive at Labor and Delivery to have a non stress test which will be followed by an amniocentesis to determine if Wyatt's lungs are fully developed. It's standard that they do the amnio, even if they believe all is well, because they can't authorize an early induction (before 39 weeks) without one. They're covering their butts, but most importantly, they're covering all bases to make sure they're not rushing things.

I've read about a million posts out there from moms who scorn anyone that decides to approve the induction procedure, as childbirth is natural and you shouldn't rush nature/God/your baby, what have you. It's selfish and the baby will come out on his own schedule. These are also the women who vehemently demand that all women breast feed, and if you don't you are obviously a bad parent content with pumping your kid full of Satan's nectar. My answer to them is piss off.

You have to do what is right for you and your child, and quite frankly, I don't think any of these women have experienced severe neurological pain.
I obviously don't have experience with the whole childbirth thing, as I am a first time mom, but I already know how tricky pregnancy is when dealing with Lyme, and I don't imagine labor will be any different.

In fact, I just had to leave this blog post to take a call from my OBGYN (this is the third call so far today in getting everything ready.) She said that they've met with all of the nurses and doctors to explain my situation (I'm a sick, convulsing mess) and all agreed that a vaginal delivery would be best, BUT the anesthesiologist won't give me an epidural or a block due to my nerve damage. There is a chance that if I get the epidural, there will be more permanent damage to my nerves, and I may actually lose some feeling forever (no thanks).

If for some reason I need a C-section, they will have to put me under. I've had this news for about two minutes, so I don't know how I feel about it yet. My first reaction is that I am sad and afraid. I can't imagine not being able to hold my baby right away, and it takes about an hour to wake up after it's all over. Fingers crossed for no section. I guess in the end this is good info to keep in mind if you have nerve damage?

So, amnio in the morning. Test results come back within a few hours, and if he's good to go, I check in at the hospital tomorrow night to start the induction process.

As I type this, I am really having second thoughts about going through with this. I have huge amounts of anxiety now, and I wonder if it would just be better to suffer through the next month. I still wouldn't be able to get the epi, but my chances of a c- section drop a bit, and I wouldn't have to deal with pitocin contractions (which I hear are super hard and extra evil). But if I chicken out, it's still a month's worth of sleepless nights and painful days, so that all evens out, right? Ack!

After all of this new information, my main issue comes from the end of the phone conversation when my doctor said something along the lines of,

"I want to make sure we're prepared, so I've called two other high risk doctors in the area. They've all assured me that Lyme is not a problem for the baby, and anyone that tells you that your baby can get it has very outdated information. I even talked about it with Dr. ____, your pediatrician, and she agrees that Lyme won't be a problem for the baby."

Noooooo! You were on my team! Not that I want my kid to come out a Lyme baby, but seriously?! You now want to deny Lyme exists in infants and tell me my pediatrician will deny it as well, less than twenty-four hours before I go to the hospital to deliver? She was trying to reassure me, I know, but now all I can think of is how every single one of these doctors is part of the "enemy" camp.

I need to stop this rambling now and clear my head. I'll post an update when I come to the most rational conclusion.

Any experiences/suggestions are welcome. What would you do?