July 4th, 2009 was full of fun and fireworks. Little did my husband and I know that we'd conceived our first child.
I'd just had my PICC line removed in May after six months of IV treatment. I was able to get around again and had even started driving after what seemed like a year of sheer, shut-in hell. My drug list was cut significantly, down to only 500mg of Biaxin twice a day, some thyroid pills, and my herbal supplements.
When I got the positive pregnancy test, I was shocked, super excited, but mostly scared that I wasn't healthy enough yet for a child and immediately felt guilty like we'd just done something very wrong. When we went to the doctor again for an ultrasound at nine weeks, she confirmed two things: we'd made twins, but they didn't make it. I was scheduled for a D&C two weeks later when they didn't want to pass. They didn't test the embryos, though my doctors believe the miscarriage was due to chromosomal issues and not Lyme related.
My husband and I were devastated. We'd previously been reassured by my LLMD that it was perfectly safe for me to have a baby, as long as I was treated throughout the pregnancy with pregnancy safe antibiotics (he'd switched my to 500mg of Zithromax as soon as we found out we were pregnant).
We were ready to try for another baby right away. Three months went by with no luck , but then something terrible happened. I relapsed. My LLMD speculated that the amount of mental and physical stress from the miscarriage was too much for my body, and I needed time to get my body back in balance.
Symptoms were bad. I had trouble feeling my legs. Sometimes my hands wouldn't close or I coudn't move my toes. Tourettes-like twitches, joint pain, bone pain, blurry vision, extreme fatigue, poor circulation, ear and tooth pain, which meant my brain was starting to swell again. I won't list everything, because I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. Let's just say that it was time to put the baby making on hold for a while until I figured out what was going on with my body.
Yep, you guessed it. Too late. Within in a week, I tested positive on a home test. I'm not sure if the sudden onset of symptoms was due to fertilization or if it was just Murphy's law...
Either way, I was pregnant, sick as hell and scared to death.
Sara,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this blog. Although my symptoms have never escalated to the level of yours, I have been living with sheer malaise for the past two years. It's hard to explain to others that you know you're not feeling well, yet cannot articulate the symptoms well enough for others to understand. In addition, I'm enrolled in a graduate program -- so when my mental abilities faltered I knew something wasn't right. My husband and I wanted children, but we knew that conceiving while I was still symptomatic was not wise. Well, I just had a positive at home test and am waiting for the results of a blood work up. I had to stop all my medications and my symptoms have come back.
What struck me most about your post was the word guilt. I feel so guilty for getting pregnant. Yes, we're excited and happy, but I'm so worried that I did something wrong. Thank you for your words, because I know I'm not alone. And, thank you again for this resource. I hope you and your family are well and happy.
Great Post….. I read a few of your other posts.
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ReplyDeleteIVF treatment will be failed due to many reasons like poor embryos, chromosomal issue many more. In that case, you have to take PGD and PGS testing.
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